LDR - Keeping Myself Busy So That the Longing Isn't So Hard to Bear

I'm currently in a long distance relationship (LDR from here on), though in truth we aren't so far away. He lives exactly 80 miles from me, and we manage to see each other every weekend. However, it does makes the weekdays terribly bland and hard to get through considering that another visit is coming up within five days (though it's actually two from today), and I seem to more needy and attached than I ever thought I would be.

Thus I try to find a project every week to make things easier for myself. I'm always baking, but this weeks project revolves around an iPad. Specifically his iPad that he never uses and could care less about. My muffin is not an Apple man, and he loathes Steve Jobs like it's his life's goal. He has to keep up appearances since his company was kind enough to give it to him for free, but since the COO didn't show up this week as planned, I was graciously give a week to play with it. I've currently installed nearly 30 apps on this thing, synced up all my email address, and put all of our photos together on it. It's pretty much mine now, though I have to give it up on Sunday.

I'm happy to have found something to take up all the spare time that school and volunteering leaves me, but I have no idea what I'll do for next week. Time to brainstorm. 

Operation TryNotToFail

I'm admittedly terribly pessimistic about most life, but I'm not to the point where I can't see the good in anything. After being knocked down and rejected so many times in the past 3 months, I'm just tired. Maybe it's me. Maybe. In any case, I've got to put my all towards changing things.


So today is day one of my experiment. I'm trying to see if changing my attitudes about spending, confrontation, and optimism will lead to some good. I'm gonna go to the gym at least 3 times a week. I'm going to make the effort to read at least an hour a day. I'm changing what and way I approach food. I'm going to call my parents more, and keep in contact with my siblings and far away friends. I'm going to put on a happy face (this will definitely be the hardest to do). I'm going to do it, and I'm going to use this blog to track it.

I AM EXCITE!

(not a typo, btw)

So I may have just gotten my first order on my brand spanking new Etsy shop. I think. It was at least an inquiry, which is more than I've gotten in weeks. I hope this turns out to be the first of many new visitors to my shop. I need the money, and I need the experience so that I can get better.

I've got to start on Sunshine Bear's birthday cake. At first he asked for something nearly impossible for me to make without weeks of planning. I'm glad he settled on the Katamari cake. I think I can do that within the time constraints given. We'll just have to see.

Rings and Things

I think that things are far more serious with our relationship than I had originally assumed. It's one thing to talk about what you want for the future. I was just prompted to write out a detailed list of what I want for us in the next five years. Detailed as in what engagement ring I would want, the cut, clarity, color, and carat of the diamond (if I want a diamond), my ring size, what metal I want the band to be, simple or gaudy, traditional or modern. While I usually love this sort of detailed planning (OCD and paranoia make for wonderful lists, calendars, etc.), this is freaking me out. I'm not ready to be engaged. Hell, I'm not ready to graduate!

It's one thing to say that we'll be together forever, but it's completely different ballgame when there are steps towards that goal. I'm not commitment phobic. I want a house, and kids, dogs of varying sizes and breeds, and a marriage that lasts until one of us bites it. I'm just not sure of how fast I want all of this to happen. I want a career. I want to be able to take care of myself if and when I need to. I want to be an employee of the Department of the Interior and have one of those really flashy business cards with the NPS arrowhead on it. That's gonna take some time, more than expected really. I'm just hoping that if I get a ring within the next year, it'll be a very long engagement.

Posting Fail Is My Game

I'm terrible at updating my blogs. Absolutely terrible. I've decided to remedy this by posting something once a week. I, Timeeka, promise to update this blog at least once a week. I think I can manage that. I hope I can.

Boo Unemployment

Not having a job really sucks. I've been lucky to have an internship this summer, but every penny that I've earned has to go towards rent for the next six months. I need some sort of employment to take care of the rest of what I'll need for that time period, and it's not looking good. I've had 20 interviews this summer, and nothing has come from any of them. I'm not sure what I'm doing wrong, but it's really starting to wear on me. I can't imagine how people with family in the same situation that I'm in deal with it. Hopefully today's interview leads to something good. If not, I just have to keep looking.

La Grande Malaise

I've had problems with depression for the last five years, and it bothers me how fashionable it seems to be sometimes. While teenage angst seems to be something that everyone has had to deal with, the sort of depression that I find myself dealing with everyday is almost soul crushing. While I haven't had a day where I couldn't get out of bed in a while, I feel like I'm constantly fighting a losing battle with mind.Lately I've found nearly impossible to leave the house by myself.

Coming to terms with the fact that I seem to have more problems that I'd care to admit is difficult. I've got a new therapist, and Wednesday is our first meeting. Thankfully I'm in Augusta because I'm not sure if I'd go if I were in Athens. Hopefully this will be turning point.