I woke up this morning feeling the worst I've ever felt. EVER. I didn't move for 6 HOURS, and when I finally got out of bed, I wanted to die. I've never been suicidal, but I just wanted to stop breathing. Or feeling the way I felt. I've never experienced a depression like this, to the point where I couldn't get out of bed without feeling like the world is crushing me.
I think that I might need to completely take a step back and withdraw from all of my courses. My mental state is steadily getting worse, and I feel that I might go to an extreme if I don't deal with things now. The only problem is that I couldn't possibly talk to my parents about it. If anything, they steadily make things worse. I'm not sure about what I need to do, but something's got to give.
This heavy almost crushing burden of nothing has been sitting on my chest forever. I don't feel like I have a reason to be sad or unhappy with my life, but I am. I hate feeling so bad, so useless. I need someone, anyone to just tell me it will be okay. I've become a hermit, but no one around has seemed to notice...yet. I want to be alone, but I feel some weird obligation to be sociable. I've been pretending for the past two years, but I'm getting tired of everyone and everything. I need something, someone different, and I know that I need to leave to find it. But where should I go?
1 comment:
What about you attempt to talk to them about letting you take a few courses instead of the whole nine yards?
Parents aren't really sure how to approach things like this too.
If trying to come to a agreement with them is impossible, might have to be sneaky about it.
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