The holiday season is fast approaching, and I'm already feeling the anxiety and paranoia building up inside of me. Whenever I can manage to drag myself out of my apartment, I'm assaulted with the consumerism that has become Christmas. Macy's and other department stores starting building their displays in September, and once Halloween is over, it's full blown panic to get everything one would "need" to make this season the best ever. For me, it's probably the opposite.
I'm positive now that I'm suffering from full-blown agoraphobia. At the beginning of the semester, it wasn't so hard to go outside of my apartment. Now, waking up in the mornings to go to class or work is a battle. Every morning I awake this heighten sense that someone's watching me, or that my entire day is going to be the worst I've ever had.
I feel like I'm about to self-destruct. I'm afraid of what this mean for my future. I'd never want to get to the point of considering institutionalization, but if I can't get a handle on my everyday life, how am I going to be able to get through the mess that's usually Thanksgiving and Christmas with my family?
This year is set to be extra special. My cousin (who's a year younger and has just started college) is pregnant and has therefore committed the Epic Fail of the year. She's been in class for less than 3 months, and lives less than 10 miles from her mom and stepfather; I think I've said enough. That does mean that the Barnett family won't be visiting for either holiday, and that will spare my family having to listen to my aunt's so called Christian manifesto on living life.
My oldest cousin and my oldest uncle on my mother's side will be spending the holidays in prison and jail respectively. My granny's new beau (who I hate as much as her last one) will unfortunately be joining us unless he manages to infuriate her before Thanksgiving. My aunt might show up, but her girlfriend's on the run from the law, so she'll probably pass up coming into any of the Southern United States.
So I think it will be me, Ma, Sir, Megan, Kandise, Jordan, Granny, James (the beau), and Uncle Denis. We're probably have the usual spread, and we'll all be pooped before 8 p.m. It might actually be somewhat normal, considering most of the nefarious elements of my family won't be able to make it.
A normal holiday. That'll be the first this family has ever seen.
